Thoughts on Mothering

Confession: When it comes to my children I have control issues.

 

It’s not that I think that other people aren’t capable of caring for my kids, it’s just that I want to be the one to do everything. And also, my way of doing things  is far superior to that of others. This is a fact, just ask my husband…or not.

 

When Maggie was little and I was still teaching, my boss’s wife, Tristan, was generous enough to offer herself as a babysitter while I was working. It was a huge blessing and help to us, but I really did struggle with jealousy. I knew that Tristan was capable, I mean, she’s got five kids of her own and is pretty much one of the most phenomenal mothers I’ve had the privilege of seeing in action. It’s just that  I wanted to be the one to take care of Maggie and I was completely paranoid that I’d miss something, a laugh, a step, a cough, something.

 

Meanwhile, I was teaching high school, coaching kids through English class, but more often coaching them through the chaos that is being a teenager. I spent many hours calming fears, explaining “why”, and talking through the tough stuff at the behest of parents who informed me that, “he/she’ll listen to you better than us.”

 

Eventually I realized that all kids need more mothers than the one they’re given at birth. I finally saw that Mags really would need more mothers than just one; more women than just me. When life wasn’t flexible enough to allow me to spend every waking moment with my baby, Tristan stepped in and mothered for me, just as I was mothering my students.

 

When I look back at my own life, I see many, many mothers. From my best friend’s mom who we called Polly Boss to my college mentors, Retta and Dorothy, I’ve been constantly surrounded by incredible women who took the time to invest in me, to mother me, even though I wasn’t technically “theirs”.

 

And all that time there was my mother. Patiently letting me figure it all out and gracefully letting others step in. I think that’s the real trick: being a good enough mother to accept the help of other women when schedules, jobs, snotty teenage attitudes, geography, whatever step into the picture. Because, like it or not, we can’t do it all.

 

 

 

 

Nobody will ever love my babies the way I love them. I’m the only one who nuzzled their soft heads in the middle of the night and I’m the only one who will know them in that deep, personal way. But I know good and well that relationships grow and change and evolve and that, at some point, I won’t be exactly what my children need.  They’ll need the guidance, wisdom, and perspective that come from an outside point of view. And that’s okay.

 

It doesn’t make me any less of a mother to step aside and accept some help. Shoot, it probably makes me better. It’s okay for me to take a break. It’s okay to understand that I can’t and shouldn’t be my kids’ whole world their entire lives. It’s completely acceptable to understand that I cannot be everything to everyone all. the. time.

 

So, I pray for the grace not to be jealous or to feel left out and I pray that the right people come into my children’s paths so that they may be shaped into the women and men I know they have the potential to be. I pray that I might be open to the children put in my path, that I would have the ability to step in and love them and not overstep my bounds.

 

And I pray with great thanksgiving for the women who mother my kids right now. For my sweet neighbor, Connie, who is literally at this moment making scrambled eggs for my three-year-old so I can get some time to myself. For my dear friend, Melissa, who steps into the role of mom like a champ, so much so that there’s not even a ripple in the pool when she’s around, I just feel the relief of a second set of hands and a kindred spirit. For my sweet sister-in-law, Lauren who loves my girls in a beautiful quiet way, and loves them enough to speak up when discipline is needed. For my mother-in-law and my own mother who simultaneously mother my kids and me, up close and from a distance, neither of which is easy.

 

And I’m so, so grateful for the women who shaped my life, who taught me what it truly means to serve others, to stand up for truth, to work hard, to be feminine in a really badass kind of way.

 

 

 

 

So, on Mother’s Day, I’m always humbled by the fact that I’ve been chosen to be the mama to three incredible gifts. But I’m even more humbled by the gift of other women around me who I know will leave their mark, who will pick up where I leave off, and who will be the hands and feet of Christ to my kids, a gift I know I’ll never be able to repay.

New Baby is a…

                                                                                                  Boy! Boy! Boy!

 

 

Okay, so he kiiiinda looks like an alien (my very own adorable little BOY alien) but that’s his head on the right and his perfectly round little belly to the left. Love, love, love!

 

I’m completely and totally over the moon to add this precious little person to our family!

 

 

And in other, equally adorable news, Lily was baptized yesterday!

 

And she’ll never be naughty again! I’m pretty sure that’s part of the deal, right??

 

We are so incredibly blessed with all of these little people. I seriously can’t get over how great they are. Mayhaps I’m biased…

 

Hope you’ve all had a great Monday!

Facebook is Watching You…

Sometimes I find it eerie how well Facebook knows me. I mean, I’m pretty sure Facebook knew I was pregnant before I did. All of the ads on my news feed sidebar are right on the money. Facebook ads know the ins and outs of my consumer habits like no other. Probably better than I know them myself.

 

So, this morning, it came as no surprise that I was enlightened by Facebook yet again. The ad I saw read, “Can you trust your maid?”

 

Clearly I cannot. Heck, I didn’t even know I had a maid. I think I need to complain to his/her supervisor. I bet the phone number’s around here somewhere…you know, hidden beneath the piles of clutter and garbage that the maid hasn’t cleaned. This is really unacceptable. I hope I get my money back…

Seven Things: Part 11

1.) The hubz is officially an official butcher. The man took his final test and, at the end of nine months, finished a program that usually takes people one to two years. Did I mention, he’s brilliant?? I seriously couldn’t be more proud of this guy. And I think I might have a crush on him…

 

2.) I don’t always fold laundry, but when I do I love folding tiny jeggings.

 

3.) I also love making discoveries like this little gem:

Thumper’s ready for takeoff. And I’m glad to see he’s got a credit card with him…limitless credit, no doubt.

 

4.) The weather has finally been nice enough to use the clothes line! Hooray!

 

 

At least it was three days ago when I got a sunburn. Yesterday was a tad different…

 

Yeah. That’s our neighbor’s slip’n'slide in the snow.

 

Surely I’m making this up. I mean, three days ago this was happening:

 

 

And this was yesterday:

Siiiiigh.

5.) Lily’s making her first attempts at walking. Hard to believe she’s so big!

6.) Maggie-isms:

Me: Mags, I’m going to squeeze you!

Maggie: I am NOT a yogurt!

 

“Mama, Beverly is very cranky this morning.”   (Beverly is her rubber snake.)

 

“You’re going to have a baby or a vampire squid.”

 

“I have a baby Jesus in my tummy.” (says the constant one-upper…)

 

 

7.) Science project! We put some bean seeds in a mason jar with a damp paper towel. Lo and behold, we’ve got actual plants! You should really try this with the little person in your life. It was really fun to see the stages of seed growth.

Hope you all have a restful Sunday! We find out the gender of New Baby tomorrow, so stay tuned!!

Cloth Diapering

So, I had pictures for this post. And then the computer ate them/I’m technologically illiterate and my husband will find what I need immediately making me feel like a complete ding-dong because, well, I am one. So, please imagine this post full of colorful, artfully composed pictures of adorable babies with adorable cloth diapers on their bums. Thank ye, kindly!

 

 

Aaaanyway…

 

My high school friend, Beverly, is expecting her first baby soon (!!!) and I promised her I’d do a post on cloth diapering, preferably before the baby comes. Writing this post has taken way longer than it should have, so I owe Beverly my unending apologies (grovel, grovel, grovel)!

 

There is a ton of information out there about cloth diapering, which can be pretty daunting. I’m going to share the links and info that helped me the most when getting started, plus a few tricks, if any, I’ve learned along the way.

 

 

What Kind:

The first thing you need to decide is what kind of diapers you want to go with. There are about four zillion and one different kinds of cloth diapers, all with ninety different names/brands/make ups. Want organic hemp pre-folds? Done. Want a pocket diaper with disposable inserts? Done. Want diaps with adorable patterns/colors/textures/your baby’s name embroidered on them? Done and done.

 

I think the most important thing to consider when choosing a style of cloth diaper is convenience for your family, which means mama and daddy, of course, but also the well-meaning aunties, besties, and mothers-in-law who will be dying to help out, but might not be comfortable with a complicated system.

 

Our family went with the bumGenius system, which consists of pocket diapers that you stuff with inserts. This is nice because they’re made pretty much the same as disposable diapers, but you can adjust the absorbency for nighttime, etc. I also like the fact that they change sizes with your baby. Snaps on the front convert the diaper from small to two sizes bigger, which makes them last longer. Plus you don’t have to worry about guessing the right size for your baby’s bum. There’s definitely not much of a learning curve on using these diapers, which is nice for the people in our lives who don’t use them every day.

 

Keep in mind that the world of cloth diapering is a big one. I found myself getting overwhelmed by the number of options and really just went with what was recommended to me and what looked like the most accessible option. Follow your heart, Sacagawea, and you’ll be fine.

 

 

How Many?

This really depends on how frequently you want to wash diapers. I suggest having enough diaps so that you’re only washing every other day. Any longer than that and things will get stinky. And by ‘stinky’ I mean ‘staanky’. I think we’ve got about 20 or 25 diapers and that’s done us just fine.

 

 

Washing

So, when using cloth diapers the main goal is to avoid anything that will cause buildup, as buildup leads to moisture repelling issues which is poo-tastic (pun intended). This really isn’t that hard. Avoid laundry detergents with additives like fragrances, softeners, etc. We go with our store brand free and clear formula and it works great. I know a lot of companies out there make all-natural soaps that are supposed to be wonderful and a lot of the diaper manufacturers make their own detergents to “go with” the diapers, but I’m honestly more interested in the money-saving route, so just go with whatever works for you! Never use fabric softener or dryer sheets with your cloth diapers, either.

 

If you’re looking for yet another awesome reason to breastfeed, search no further, since breast milk is water soluble, huzzah!  This means that as long as baby’s exclusively breastfed, you don’t really need to rinse poo out of diapers! As soon as baby starts eating solids, though, you’ll need to dump/rinse your diapers.

 

This is the part where a lot of people get all squeamish and grossed out. I say, if baby poop grosses you out that much, your baby is laying down on the job. I’d much rather scoop it off a diaper than off my own chest (which has totally happened to me, thanks Mags) so just chalk it up to another awesome part of parenting and more fodder for “the things I did for you” speeches. It really isn’t that bad, though.

 

I will say, you have  to get a spatula for this job. Nothing scoops poop better than an old, hard sided spatula and I’m really sad I didn’t discover that trick until after I’d been cloth diapering for two years. Le sigh. I know you can get diaper sprayers that hook up to the toilet tank, but a spatula works for me!

 

Also, just so’s you know, we dry store our diapers. You can definitely soak them in a pail, but I don’t think it’s totally necessary. Like with the detergent, there are a lot of products that you can spray on your diaps to keep them smelling fresh as a daisy, but I haven’t found them to be necessary.

 

Okay, to the actual washing! BumGenius’ washing instructions are as follows:

“Pre-wash cold. Wash hot (100F/40C) with bumGenius detergent. Extra rinse. No laundry additives. Line dry cover. Tumble dry insert. No fabric softeners. Use 1/4 cup or 60 mL bleach in the hot wash once per month.”

 

Easy peasy, right? So, yeah…wash ‘em once on cold, again on hot with a minuscule amount of detergent, bleach ‘em when you want and you’re good to go! I do bleach mine once a month and I’m definitely guilty of tossing my covers in the dryer with the inserts (remember, no dryer sheets!). This is especially common for me in the winter when I have no incentive to hang things up since the drying rack isn’t as pretty as the clothesline and I’m kind of lazy anyway. A word for the clothesline: I’m obsessed with them and think everyone should get one! They’re so wonderful, in general, but nothing makes cloth diapers smell better or shine whiter than the sun. Plus, a line full of pretty cloth diaps is so, so lovely.

 

 

Stripping

Wink, wink! Unfortunately, this kind of stripping isn’t usually that exciting, but feel free to improvise! Ahem. Sometimes you might have to strip your diapers when there’s a buildup of some kind. Most manufacturers warn against doing this too often, however, I know of some people who strip their diapers once a month. I’ve only stripped mine once or twice.

 

To strip your diapers, just put ‘em through the regular cold/hot wash cycle with 1/4 c. of bleach and a small squirt (like 1/4 tsp) of liquid dish soap like Dawn. If you want, you can do a sanitizing wash on just the inserts with more bleach to really seal the deal.

 

Stripping diapers removes excess buildup and helps get rid of leaking issues, which is never good and also helps with odor.

 

 

Durability

We’ve had the same set of bumGenius diapers for three years now. I haven’t added to my stash once, nor have I thrown any diapers away. Holla atcha boy.

 

As I mentioned before, there have been times when I’ve dried the covers in the dryer, so I will say that my velcro tabs are a bit curly (I keep meaning to use and iron to straighten them out, but I’m really just not the type who irons her diapers, you know?). Some of the fabric that the velcro sticks to on the front (whatever that’s called) is a bit mangled and coming unstitched, as well. It’s really nothing a sewing machine couldn’t fix…if I had a sewing machine or the sewing prowess with which to fix it. I’m clearly not too worried about this…

 

 

Out and About

A lot of people worry about how they’ll store cloth diapers when they’re out running errands or otherwise away from home. Again, there are companies that make adorable travel bags for diaper storage. I prefer the less-adorable, and less-expensive grocery bag option, cause that’s how I roll. (The more I write this post, the more I realize I am a complete cheap-o…sheesh.) Really, as long as it’s waterproof there’s really nothing to worry about. Just make sure whatever bag you use doesn’t escape the diaper bag and roll under the driver’s seat…’cause that would be baaaad. Not that that’s ever happened to me…

 

 

Other Sundries

My biggest advice to first time cloth diaper-ers is as follows: Don’t do it when you’ve got a newborn. Seriously, there are far more important things for you to worry about with a brand new baby than washing diapers…like snuggling and rubbing your lips on their velvety head. Wait till you’ve got your groove and then tackle the diapers. Plus, their tiny little butts will probably be too small for the reggo diaps in the beginning, anyway, and I just think it’s silly to buy newborn sized cloth diapers.

 

As a woman who has traveled cross-country with infants both by car and by plane on multiple occasions, I also recommend not cloth diapering when on a trip. I’ve never tried it and I never plan to. The sheer mathematics of trying to figure out when/where/how to wash and dry cloth on the road frightens me. I do, however, love the mental image I get of clean diapers line drying out the car windows at 70 on the highway.

 

If you have ever done this, you are all that is woman/man and I salute you. And I kind of want to know how you accomplished this mammoth task. (Seriously, if you’ve done it, tell us how!)

 

 

Links

Cottonbabies is an incredibly thorough resource that will help get your started. They’ve got great descriptions of what the different kinds of diapers are, how they work, how to wash them, etc. This is also a good place to purchase diapers. We ordered ours through them and never had a problem. You can also do registries here, too!

A Collection of Passions has a great post on bumGenius 4.0′s specifically, plus lots of good pictures and info.

Diaper Swappers is a cool site where you can get more information plus they’ve got lots of forums and spaces where you can pick up used/never used diapers for a significantly reduced price. I haven’t done the swapping myself, but have friends who recommend it.

Valerie has a great post about cloth diapering with a lot of good pros/cons in the comments. Check it out!

Haley at Carrots for Michaelmas has another good post with more how-to’s, more links, more pictures ’cause she’s not a ding-dong.

 

 

 

Happy diapering!

Mary Susan

Three

Maggie turned three two days ago. She woke me up that morning by stumbling into our room and standing by my side of the bed. Instead of climbing in like she usually does, she asked me to hold her like a baby and rock her. She’ll never know what a gift she gave her mama in the early hours of that morning.

 

As I was rocking her, singing “Potta Fountah” (aka “Come Thou Fount,” her favorite), I thought about how big she is, how much she’s grown and how tiny she was in the hospital, this little person who took forever to come into this world. And I thought about her sweet sister asleep in the crib, probably sucking her first two fingers exactly the way she did when the nurse put her in my arms for the first time. My mind turned to New Baby, just fourteen weeks along and already so treasured and adored.

 

I thought about the mystery of life, that a Creator so great would know me so intimately. That He would give me the desires of my heart, even when I don’t feel capable, even when it’s not according to the calendar I ridiculously planned. And I thought about grace that smooths over fear like a mother soothing a hot forehead and I could not think of anything more in this world that I wanted.

 

So on this gloriously Good Friday, as we celebrate the sacrifice of our Savior, I’m so excited to share this news with you! Baby Number Three will debut somewhere around the 22nd of September and we couldn’t be more excited! This also happens to explain a lot of my blogging absence because this pregnancy has been waaaaay different from the last two and I’m just. so. tired. I’ve been feeling much more energetic as of late, though, so here’s hoping that the second trimester treats us right! We’ll be finding out Baby’s gender in about a month, so stay tuned for that…and have an incredibly blessed, peaceful, and joyful Easter Holiday!

 

Much love!

Mary Susan

I’m Back!

Oh, my law, guys…it has been far, far too long! Hopefully absence makes the heart grow fonder, but regardless, it’s good to be back!

 

Between family visiting from Texas, the Stomach Bug From Hell, a road trip to Tampa for our best friends’ wedding, a visit to Disney, and a road trip home featuring “Return of the Stomach Bug From Hell”, we’re pretty much exhausted. And some of us are still ashamed of the number we did on a gas station toilet somewhere in West Virginia. But then, others of us feel that it was in retribution for the rock slide in West Virginia that caused us to be stuck on the highway for three hours with a two-year-old and a ten-month-old. Fair is fair, folks.

 

So, here are my observations from our trip:

1. Pack with ziplocs. I wish I could remember where I saw this idea so I could give the genius credit, but I can’t hunt it down. Anyway, one of my biggest pet peeves about packing for kids is that all of their things are teeeeeeny tiny, so when you remove one shirt, everything else falls over or unfolds and you’re left with a bag full of chaos. So, the idea is simple: put an entire outfit, shirt, pants, undies, socks, hair accessories, everything you’ll need for a day in a ziploc bag. This way you can see which outfits are which and you don’t have to rummage around for thirty minutes trying to find socks. I ended up using a lot of plastic bags, however, I figure if they’re only holding clean laundry, we can definitely reuse them when we get home. So, here’s what nine days of travel for our two little ladies ended up looking like:

Yowza, that’s a lot of clothes…but oh, so organized!

This method was also nice since it allowed us the ability to grab an extra outfit to take in the diaper bag in case of accidents, emergencies, whatever. I’m definitely doing this again!

 

2. It is 100% possible to traverse the country with two kids under the age of three without the use of electronic devices. Boom shakalaka. Seriously, guys, this is completely doable. Mags got carsick the one time we tried to show her a video in the car so from then on, we’ve avoided traveling with dvd players like the plague.

 

Now, let me say this. I am completely aware of the fact that we’ve been blessed with good travelers. I know that not all kids are cool with being in the car for a zillion hours, or even thirty minutes. My poor mother-in-law was forced to sit beside her youngest on car trips in order to cushion the blows he gave himself by bonking his head against his car seat over and over and over again. Which explains a lot about my brother-in-law.

 

We’re very fortunate that we’re able to load up our phones with tunes and get through the hard times that way. I will say that we listened to a looooot of songs on repeat, but at least the kid has good taste and likes The Muppets soundtrack. (Jason Segel, I am forever in your debt.) We also packed an awesome bucket full of coloring pages, books, small toys, and a few Target dollar aisle surprises that were dispersed along the way. We played a lot of “I Spy” and “Would You Rather” which consists of questions like, “Mama, would you rather be an elephant or a house?” Were it not for the three hour rock slide delay, I think we’d have made it both ways without any meltdowns. Regardless, it was a great trip and I’m so glad we accomplished it without Angry Birds or Fruit Ninja or Leapster, etc.

 

Diva.

 

 

3. I love Disney World. And I love this picture I forced my family to take.

 

Love.

For those of you who don’t know, my husband and I met while on an internship at Disney’s Animal Kingdom. This picture was taken in the exact spot where we spoke for the very first time, and I thought, “Hey, this guy is pretty funny!” (And then I stalked him until I made him mine…mwuahahahaha!)

 

At some point we’ll collaborate on a “Traveling to Disney” post to share some of the things we’ve learned from being cast members in different parts of the parks, etc. Anyway, here are some more pictures from our quick trip!

 

Please note that all highly trained explorers wear frilly socks and princess shoes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. I laarve weddings! Especially when they’re the weddings of two dream boats like these two…

 

Photo courtesy of Limelight Weddings..seriously talented!! Check them out at http://www.limelightweddings.net

 

5. Thanks for sticking around!  Seriously, I’m so grateful for all of the people who sent me messages to encourage me to get back to blogging. Sometimes it’s hard to get back in the habit of something…even if it’s something you enjoy immensely. So, yeah…much love and thanks to all of you!