Our New Normal

8 Nov

Our third child was born six weeks ago. I have no explanation for the following things that have become the norm in our home since his birth, nor do I have apologies. Most of them were things that were probably already happening, I was just able to hide them better. I’ve just decided to accept that we’re going to be that family and observe the horror through the foggy lens of coffee and pilfered Halloween candy. It’s better that way, for all of us.

 

 

Our new normal looks a little something like this:

At any given moment you will see approximately seven shoes in my kitchen. None of them will match, most will be three sizes too small for any shoe-wearing member of our family, all will have been recently licked by a human.

 

Also, at any given moment you will find three partially eaten apples strewn around like so many land mines hoping to remain hidden until I have friends over, at which time they don sequined leotards and explode into plain sight, flaunting themselves like shameless shriveled apple show girls.

 

 

 

 

People eat kielbasa on forks here with no plate in sight. And as long as they’re not whining or attempting to eat me, I don’t ask questions.

 

 

 

 

It is normal here to ask our guests to help us go potty. That’s how you know the tribe has accepted you as one of their own.

 

 

If you talk to me on the phone, be prepared to enjoy a conversation peppered with exclamations and demands:

“Yes, I got the email about the grant. I think it’s a great idea to  you get that out of your mouth right this minute. Yes, container gardening is stop licking your sister. I’ll send you my edits to the grant as soon as I please don’t sit on the baby and I’ll let you know when we don’t paint my legs, please!

It’s everything a conversation with a Tourettes patient should be.

 

 

 

 

This is a normal scene to encounter:

Why, yes. Yes, those are rain boots in my soup pot. Why do you ask?

 

 

 

As is this:

Potato in the baby bed? I don’t bat an eye.

 

 

 

 

Our new normal includes me feeling like I should be awarded many golden and sparkly accolades for such accomplishments as trimming all three children’s fingernails in one day and changing from one set of pajamas into another. I think we can all agree that extra points for re-application of deodorant are rightly deserved.

 

 

Most of the time we don’t even take off our pajamas. This picture was taken probably five seconds before my husband got home from work at 4 pm. Sometimes it’s just easier to pretend you gave them an early bath…

 

 

 

 

My new normal has resulted in a passionate love for store brand frozen waffles and a renewed devotion to my sick love/hate relationship with coffee. I live on coffee in a world in which I have no time to pee, so as Hamlet would say, there’s the rub.

 

 

Normal trips to the grocery store now include three ways of transporting children: one in a carrier, one in the cart, one on foot, none to be completely trusted, two thirds of which to be shamelessly bribed with cookies. We are a spectacle of cuteness, a parade of crazy, and I am Mrs. Mallard marching my ducklings through Boston!

 

A recent trip in which everyone behaved…and a feeling of foreboding washed over me.

 

 

 

 

And speaking of transportation, I drive a Dodge Stratus! (I’m important!) Therefore, we go Nascar on this B- and ride three wide everywhere we go, especially in the turn. Boogity, boogity, boogity and all that. (Be impressed that I know that many Nascar references.)

 

 

 

 

At times it feels as though my home has been overrun by tiny little terrorists, which is completely normal. I’ve come to embrace it.

 

 

 

 

 

Our new normal is chaos and crazy and completely wonderful. Ultimately, it consists of a lot of laughing, dancing, sharing, learning, and hugging. You know, the kind of hugging that’s sweet…until it isn’t because it’s a little too intense and somebody ends up crying.

 

Sometimes you just love somebody sooo much you want to smother them…

 

 

So, what’s your normal like these days?

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6 Responses to “Our New Normal”

  1. Annie November 8, 2013 at 12:01 pm #

    Sounds a lot like our house these days! I will try to channel your positivity in embracing the chaos – something I struggle with since I prefer things a bit more “zen”. You rock, mama!

    • ohblessyourheart November 12, 2013 at 8:22 am #

      Haha, it’s definitely not “zen” around here! I’d love to have a little more of that, for sure!

  2. Granny Garr November 8, 2013 at 4:00 pm #

    Well done! I am glad that a rep of the Apple Dumpling Gang did not find the computer! Some readers will think that you are making good use of hyperboles, but having spent some time in your home after Everett’s birth, I do know that those little shoes are breeding somewhere.I never could pinpoint where they hatched and why they all wanted to congregate in the dining room and kitchen.

    I would think that the fruit and vegetable migration would be deterred by the child proof gate between the kitchen and dining room. I suspect that it’s easier to stumble across an errant fruitable rather than listen to small children bemoaning the fact that they are separated from their mother by a whole expanse of six or seven feet! One does have to choose one’s battles.

    Love you and wish I was there as backup girl or assistant, but I an equally thrilled that I am able to enjoy ALL your adventures in this blog. Keep it coming!

  3. Kristin November 8, 2013 at 4:51 pm #

    I love all of this. So much.
    Also, I need to switch to WordPress…

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